Making the World a Better Place, One Sheet at a Time

I was thinking earlier today of a step that I'm sure would benefit everyone and would only make the world a happier and better place to live. I propose that all toilet paper be perforated.

I'm sure each individual at some point over their life has played a game of tug-o-war with a toilet paper dispenser at a rest area, super market, mall, or sporting venue bathroom. The plastic serrated edges literally don't cut it. By the time you tear your way through, you're left with a large enough ball of toilet paper to make an 8-year-old into mummy for Halloween.

The last place anyone needs a hassle is when they're doing their business. The world would be a happier place if all toilet paper was perforated. No more never-ending pieces of toilet paper making you wonder if it will clog the toilet when you go to flush. No more wasted toilet paper, leading you think of how you just flushed a tree down the toilet. And if perforation was mandatory, then factories would have to meet the demand... creating more jobs!

I know what you're thinking, some toilet paper is too thin... you'd only get one square at time. Now, don't jump to conclusions and blame that on the toilet paper. That is a simple design flaw in industrial toilet paper dispensers. A small alteration in the diameter of toilet paper cardboard tubes would easily make that problem disappear. I'll leave it to the T.P. Techs to set those standards.

I'm very optimistic and think I can get people on-board with this idea... it would be a win-win all the way around. Less time wasted in the facilities equals more time for work or play.

Maybe next I'll tackle the controversy of which is the correct way to place toilet paper on the roll. My vote goes for over, not under. But then again, as long as there's actually toilet paper in the dispenser when you need it, what's there to argue.