I should have asked for the tooth.

I thought my end of the bargain was going to be harder than Jinkies, but I have to admit, he drew the short straw on that one.

A couple weeks ago I took the ever so terrified to leave the house Jinkies to his annual veterinarian appointment. The appointment began like clockwork, sweaty paws, yowling, panting, shedding, and drooling. Jinkies was his usual frightened mess, but put up with all the poking and prodding like a champ.

Then the vet told me that Jinkies hadn't been flossing enough and I needed to schedule him for a dental cleaning. I knew I wouldn't be happy about dropping the cash and he would be happy about coming back to the vet. 

Apparently a dental cleaning for a cat is a bit more complicated than that for a human like myself (Note: I'm not afraid of the dentist and am quite cooperative). With the unpredictability of scaredy cat, the vet uses gas to knock out the patient. Gotta make sure the patient can handle the gas, so let the tests begin.

First up, blood test. Piece of cake, we're still at the vet, so have at em. Next up, urine sample. Oh, what was that? His bladder is empty? That's too bad. You seriously need his urine? No, I will not traumatize him more and bring him back in prior to his dental cleaning. Hmmm, I can capture his urine with an eye dropper. Really? Do I look like a magician?

So, I leave the vet's office with a relieved cat (for the time being), an eye dropper, and some magical plastic pellets. I suppose a normal cat owner might empty the litter box, drop in the 1/2 cup of magical plastic pellets and hope their cat decides to use the now foreign litter box. 

Knowing how this could go terribly wrong and waking up in the morning to random puddles around the house, I had to devise a way to capture the cat pee.

• Step One: order Chinese soup for takeout. The no spill lids are perfect for this nearly impossible task. 
• Step Two: Eat the soup. 
• Step Three: Clean the container and place magical plastic pellets in the bottom. 
• Step Four: Take out any aggression you may have on the lid. A paring knife works quite well. Puncher the top numerous times, which will allow liquid to flow into the container, but for cat littler to stay out. 

Since many cats are creatures of habit, it's quite possible you can figure out the highest percentage spot for capturing cat pee to place the container in the litter box. 

• Step Five: Using your pooper scooper, dig to the bottom of the litter box and place the assembled container (with magical pellets) as low in the litter box as possible. 
• Step Six: Build up the litter around the container, all the way to the edges. This may require you to add a bit more litter to the box than usual.

If you are lucky, your cat will relieve his next bladder full of urine directly into the container and the magical plastic pellets will keep the pee from evaporating until the next morning when you eagerly await to suck it up with an eye dropper. 

If you are not so lucky, here's my tip for you. Counter your cats move as if you were playing a game of chess. (Only try this if you have clumping cat litter.) 

If he pees directly in front of the container, scoop the block of pee (1) to the opposite side of the litter box. This will force him to stand closer to the container because he naturally doesn't want to step in his pee. If he angles himself from the block of pee (1) and urinates to the side of the container, then scoop that block of pee (2) and place same distance as the other block, but start to form arc that the cat will eventually have to stand inside, leaving him vary few options to aim other than the container.

I feel like I got off on a bit of a tangent. Blood test - check, urine sample - check, appointment scheduled - check. Today was the day of the tooth cleaning. Unfortunately for Jinkies, the day of "torture" started at 12am when he wasn't able to have anymore water or food. Then at about 7:30 it was time to shove a big cranky cat into a small crate. Off we went to the vet and he yowled the whole way.

Around 9:30 or so I got a call from the vet saying they had a good patient on their hands, but one of his teeth needed to be extracted. Seriously? Yep, I'm not winning cat owner of the year with this one. Anyway, they extracted his lower right canine and he was soon out of his procedure and into recovery.

I got to pick up my little buddy after work and as I sit here typing this blog, Jinkies is sitting across the room staring at me, eyes at half mast, with a super groggy, drugged up, glossy eyes. I feel so bad for my little buddy.

I should have requested to have the tooth. I could have created a kick-ass collar for him, using the tooth as a charm. He could then tell all of his cat friends that he lost that tooth when he...